Saturday, December 27, 2008


This is going to be messy, so bare with me.

My girlfriend cheated on me. I guess it could only come this way, looking at the circumstance on which we met. The first person I wanted to talk to was too far away, and Abel came along like an Orc in level 80 armor.

Thanks buddy, for the support and for dinner. I don't think you can get away with punching her in the face though.

And so I gave the call to Philip, and he gave me the same impression that I had from the start. It's hard to believe that we have lasted as long as I did, and the last thing I'd expect her to do was to stab me in the back, keeping me to pay for her bills.

For the last few months I've been pretty much alone - and that has helped me through this time. I want to head over to her place to grab my stuff (I miss the pair of jeans there) so that I can end it. I guess it's beyond her to say sorry, and I'm not looking for the apology.

Decided to go tomorrow morning. That's a few hours away.

I hate how this is going - I see myself in a slum for the moment, contemplating on where I can go, what I can do, who I can tell my feelings to.

Friends are not like they seem, and you best watch your words. Outside your head, I don't think everyone can be trusted. In fact, there are very little people I trust now; the one I've put my faith in for the last three years have made all that time worthless.

I have not cried, and I don't think I will. I'm still angry, but not in a I'll-punch-your-face way. I guess I'm stuck in the middle. I hate being stuck.

We were at Sentosa on our first date when I started singing "Somewhere in the Middle" by Dishwalla. That's how I felt the day we went out. I had a nice telephone conversation with her the night before, but what she didn't know was what happened before that.

I'll keep that to memory because it doesn't matter.

That's right. Nothing much matters when you're in the middle. It's like the middle child - wearing hand-me-downs from the first born and being stuck to take care of the younger ones. You think you matter, but in the end you're all alone.

That's how I feel now. Alone.

Is there even anyone reading this? I wouldn't know, but I don't expect anyone to.

Anyway back to the story (was there even one to begin with?!).

I plan to clear out my room tomorrow and remove all traces of her existence. She's not called or emailed or messaged back.

I love you too.

Hah. It was actually easy to say that. Goes to show how good actors we all are. Look out world, here I come.

I'm going over tomorrow morning, meeting Adrian and Abel on Monday, gonna have to cancel that meeting with the insurance agent, and waiting for someone to come home so I can maybe finally cry.

I'm sorry Cheryl, I'm actually gonna have to turn Grinch on you.

This is my life, and I'm happy it happened this way.

See, acting's in my blood.

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