Thursday, November 17, 2011

Me on Immortals

I watched Immortals with the colleagues. It inspired me to rant, so bear with me.

Following in the footsteps of the delectable 300, Immortal promises to indulge our Greek Mythology fantasies by way of viscous blood, flying limbs and scantly clad people.

The storyline is simple, as always (for we all know what happens when we try to interject 'storyline' into a testosterone-filled slugfest *cough* *Troy* *cough*) - the overly skilled but underrated lone warrior has injustice served to him, picks up a weapon and off goes to annihilate other-worldly tyrant for the sake of mankind.

Immortal achieves little in terms of visual stimulation. Pure artistic masturbation, what with the over-the-top ways of dismembering a man in slow-motion. Greek gods, mortal men, overkill.

And an actress gets naked for the hell of it. That's always nice to have in a movie about men killing other men.

Surprisingly, it was what Immortal sought to achieve that proved to be it's downfall. With all the promises of violence and bloodbath, the fight scenes were overly simplistic, often not more than the main character impaling his opponents, slicing their throats and then throwing his spear at some soldier stupid enough to jump into an army holding spears.

Even with an opponent like 'The Beast', all it took were two cuts to the knees before the giant lay defeated after 5 pounds to the chest with his own bludgeon.

And of course, the hero cuts off the head off as a trophy, not to scare off would-be attackers but to toss into the ocean with noone else watching.

Oh, did I mention that it was all for a bow which he conveniently discovered while burying his mother? A bow that was used a total of 6 times in the entire 2-hour movie? The God Killer Bow, as under-untilized as the imagination of the scriptwriter.

If any, Immortal served to prove that even the Gods have Monday Blues, as they fought for their lives in juxtapose with the measly mortals they have 45 minutes ago refused to help.

Goes to show that if the powerful do not realize that they should help the weak, they too will have a lot of shit to clean up afterwards.

The highlight of the night came after the curtain call. I got into a conversation about wigs and minahs and mamas - all worth the price of the broken promise that is Immortal.

P.S. trust the movie reviews in My Paper over TNP.

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