Friday, July 07, 2006


Those who have lost wallets before, hands up.

I'll need more hands then.

Now, it's this thing I have with wallets... Every one that I've had since I known my own existence, I've lost. And for those twenty-four years of lost wallets and agonizing disgrace for not being able to take care of a little leather pouch, I've apparently leant NOTHING about keeping things close and unlost.

Yes, my parents will have a hayday with this one.

As will the people whom I will see to get my replacement IC done.

"What do you mean this is your third time?!"

Sheesh. As if I saw that one coming.

Actually, I did... Allow me to recollect the near-death experiences of my most recent Braun Buffel wallet that lead to his inevitable demise at the hands of the Muffin King.

I've this habit of placing the wallet in my bag instead of sticking it behind my ass like most guys would have done. I just find this norm kinda disgusting. It's like someone offers you a butt-tissue and you cringe before finally accepting it (whether it comes in a leather tissue holder or not non-withstanding).

Anyway, back to the wallet - Since I prefer my jeans to be flat-at-the-back (lo and behold the use of a flat ass) so that I might be more comfortable sitting, I would always place it in my bag. Now, for short journeys on the bus or on the train, I'd place it just underneath the bag's flap. Then I'd stand and NEVER noticed the wallet drop to the floor...

Special thanks goes to the kind people who tapped me on the shoulder and offered my wallet back to me.

The unfortunate, albeit forseeable, departure of the Muffin's most recently acquired wallet is just, in my humble and most god-fearing opinion, a way to let me know that it's been one tap on the shoulder too many.

Well, I guess I'll have to get everything settled then... There are cards to be made, money to be paid; parents to be swayed (into my so-far-unsuccessful tear-jerking moments of feigned innocence), and assholes to be blamed.

This goes out to the asshole of a cab-passenger who happened to pick up my dear BB:

I suppose the thought of returning my wallet must have passed through your criminal mind, if just for the few micro-seconds, and let's suppose you actually got close to telling the cabbie that you found his passenger's wallet and wanted to hand it over...

Why the fuck haven't I gotten back my cards yet? Screw the money, you can pay me back when you're rotting in hell! But to take my IC and EzLink and Credits and ATMs and COMPANY PASS (paying my pockets dry for this lesson...)! This is an unspeakable act.

Lucie just called. Says you got a slammer right neath Ol' Saddam. Rot in hell, asshole.

Now, if you did return my card and I can expect to get it from the police post after a good ticking off about carelessness and responsibility of a citizen for carrying a NRIC, THANK THEE KIND SOUL MAY GOD BLESS THEE AND GREAT THINGS COME THY WAY.

So now, how many of you have lost your wallets and have had the crook return the important documents, hands up.

Much better.

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