Friday, February 27, 2009

Yesterday + 1

"Hey you."

I looked into her eyes and gave the same smile I give whenever we meet. It's a real one - the kind of smile I reserve solely for her - and she's the only one to have ever seen it.

"It's been what? Three years?" I took a seat next to her, placing my hand on the cold stone. I've always wanted to touch her - more than accidentally like I've always remembered - but I always tell myself she won't like it if this joker keeps trying to grab her hand.

She looked exactly the way I remembered, only a million times better. She's like a dream - clean, fragile, and oh so beautiful. I've never left her gaze and I enjoy doing that; I could do that all day - just staring into the most enchanting pair of eyes in the world.

Hell, universe. And don't get started on her smile.

"I guess we're just like that huh? Every time I say something stupid, you just go away. I can do all sorts of stuff to get you to talk to me, but you'll always keep your distance," I started rambling the way I do when I try to talk with her.

"Always waiting for your call, but god knows what I'll say when you do though... you've ever only called me twice."

I so want to grab her close and give her a nice long kiss; my mind telling me to go for it, but all I could do is look at those eyes. I just keep looking and smiling, not wanting it to end.

I was si caught in her that he caught me off guard, tapping me lightly on the shoulder, a concerned look on his face. Dude's the guy who drove me here, taking time off so a foolish friend can chase his stupid dream.

"I'm sorry to be an ass, but I think it's time you snap out of it," he said loudly because I didn't turn when he touched me.

"We'll go soon ok?" I didn't want it to end, not again, not for god-knows how long more.

He grabbed my shoulder this time, trying to turn me over so he can get a good look into my eyes. I fight him, my entire being given to the girl in front of me.

"C'mon man, the parents are giving you a weird look. I think they'll call the cops soon! All the relatives have left and you're the last loony still sitting around staring at their daughter."

"Leave me alone."

A great friend is someone who'll stick with you through all your idiosyncrasy, one who knows how much leverage to give and how much of your crap he can take. He'll follow you into burning hell just so he can pull you out and kick your ass later for dragging him into that shit.

Dude's so full of my crap hell rejected us coz of the stink. If he ever gets me out of here I'm going to get the biggest ass-kicking in the history of fucked-up-fed-up-friend-ass-kicking history.

One last shove and he's got me looking daggers at him. The tall grass irritated the hell out of me and with the weather cooking me under my shirt I'm really thinking I can take his sorry ass.

"Fuck you don't mean shit to her!"

"Yeah, and she means everything to me," I said, and we were alone again.

"I don't get you man."

As he walks away from us I take one last long look at her. I know it's got to end one day, but I've never been able to tell myself how to react when it actually does. So many times dude's been telling me to get over her and move on, but I can never get her out of me - not then, not now when all that I ever bothered with is her.

Just yesterday, he bought me a drink and sat me down to ask one single question - one that I've battled with but have always given the same straight answer to.

"I don't know, but I guess I'll wait."

The goodbye was quick but painful, like all the rest we ever had. I've said it to her so many times, each time more difficult and hurting more than the last. I also know I've crossed the line again this time, and it'll be forever before we meet.

The wait is long, but we always end up saying hello again. And I'll still have the same flowers I buy only for her, giving her the same smile, feeling the same way, and always ending up saying the same stupid thing I should have learnt to avoid before I took the one way train to Love-Lorn Valley.

It's in the stars, and I've always believed it.

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